Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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