In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
