I want to make a zoo with you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize