I have demons in me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
