I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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