Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
