I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
