Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
