I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
