just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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