chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
