ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
