I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
