I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
