party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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