If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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