Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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