I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
