Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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