while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
