I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
