she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
