I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
