what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
