If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
