He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
