it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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