And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
