OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
