I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
