I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
