she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
