If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
