How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
