just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
