fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
