i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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