So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
