We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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