is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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