is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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