went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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