I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize