Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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