Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
