just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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