just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
