The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize