I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
