She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
