I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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