I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
