so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize