My Higher Power is John Stamos
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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