Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
