Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He better not be in your backpack
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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