Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
