I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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