There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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