Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize