Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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