How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
