The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
