You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
