moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
