my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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