So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize