Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
