6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
