remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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