she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize