you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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