You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
